But Complaining is so Much Easier – Leadership is a Choice #46

Jessica Soroky continues her series Leadership is a Choice.


Stop complaining about the things you are unwilling to change.

I have written a lot about the difficulty that comes with taking the red pill and realizing you can never return to the dream, your eyes can’t un-see what they have seen.

Once awakened there is no going back.

This is one of those moments where I wish I could turn it off. If I catch myself complaining about the same thing repeatedly, my mind, almost mockingly, whispers in my ear – “You have a choice in everything, you teach this stuff. If you don’t like it – choose something different.”

UGH – Practicing what you preach can really suck when all you want to do is complain.

Ha – I must admit even just writing that made me realize how silly that is. In the end, if I truly have choice in everything, then I absolutely can choose to just complain, but what’s the point in that?

Here come the justifications –

It’s hard not to join the “cool kids” around the water cooler all complaining about this or that or a mixture of this and that. We ALL complain, and we all do it WAY too much.

My last post was focused on using gratitude to let go of something that was frustrating. What if just one person set an intention to bring positivity, wins, and celebrations to the hypothetical water cooler instead?

We could set a whole new addicting trend of focusing on the positives. You know what would happen next? You would accidentally raise your own awareness and catch yourself must faster when you go back to the more comfortable complaint zone.

That new heightening awareness would then start asking you the most annoying question of all – “If you don’t like it why not choose something different?”

All that’s left at that point is a simple choice – be the victim and stay there complaining or put your big-kid responsibility pants on and take control of your reality by making a different choice.

Most don’t choose differently because that would require work, sweat, possibly pain, and maybe even tears. Oh, and don’t forget if I choose differently I then have nothing to complain about over coffee with friends.

Yes – all of that is true. Not complaining, making a different choice, and celebrating takes work. It takes practice and isn’t always easy or perfect. The not-so-scary thing is that if you choose differently and still don’t like it you can keep choosing differently until you find the thing that brings you nothing but wins to claim.

The amazing thing is when you focus on the positive, when you claim wins instead of share in gossip and complaints, you build armor around you that begins to protect you more and more from the rest of the world that hasn’t decided to stop complaining yet.

Everything becomes more positive because thoughts attract thoughts! Think negatively and complain and attract more negativity and more things to complain about. Think positively and claim successes no matter what size, and attract more wins!

The hardest step is always the first one. Breaking away from the norm and refusing to complain unless you are willing and ready to change it. That’s right – I’m not saying walk away perfectly happy all the time. Start small, play a game with yourself.

I will not complain about anything. I will still express my frustrations – but only if I follow it up with options to make a change, to choose differently, and solve the problem causing the frustration.

Every time you catch yourself complaining just to complain (with no intention of changing anything) -19 points. Every time you catch yourself expressing your angst and immediately following it up with choices and options give yourself +5. Every time you start with positivity and completely move past the negativity give yourself +12.

Run this game for a week and see where you fall. If it helps, write down what happened every time you had to give yourself -19. Can you identify patterns?

Let the games begin! May the choices be ever in your favor!


Jessica Soroky, CSM

IMG_3285Jessica is a Certified Scrum Master with over three years of practice in agile delivery and seven years of team leadership. She is also the youngest participant in The Leadership Gift™ Program and its growing worldwide community of leaders and coaches. After five years of nonprofit development through Nellie’s Catwalk for Kids, Jessica continues her leadership journey in state government, not-for-profit, and private sector leadership studies.


Posted in Responsibility on 03/29/2016 01:50 am
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