Jessica Soroky continues her series Leadership is a Choice.

“Doubt me…I dare you.”

That was the way I used to view people who doubted what I was capable of. I believe there is a blog somewhere in the last 60 about how this would be the fire to push me forward.

If you read my first blog series, you may remember how I describe a breakthrough as an “Oh, s**t” moment.

Well, I had an “Oh, s**t” moment recently that altered how I see people’s doubt in me.

Don’t doubt me! Not because of what it may do to me, but because of what it is doing to you! If there is a big intention on the line and we are collaborating on it, relying on each other for its success – don’t slow down to doubt me. KEEP GOING.

Move as fast and effectively as you can. I have a choice to make when I notice your speed. I will either not want to keep up, I’ll run with you keeping pace, or I will push even harder and surpass you.

The breakthrough here is that for me the most powerful fuel isn’t using people’s doubt to try and “prove them wrong”. No – I get more energy when I surround myself and am working with people who are motivated, dedicated, and determined.

Seeing someone approach something in that way only makes me want to work harder, be better, and produce more quality products. We are so affected by the things and people we surround ourselves by – so don’t give any attention to those who doubt you, because in order to doubt you they had to slow down, evaluate you and determine you may not be able to do this.

All that time and energy shifted away from the goal and is now being spent in this negative idea that will only lead to shame.

This brings me back to the three choices I said I have when I see someone who isn’t going to slow down. I want to look closer at the first one. “I may not want to keep up”

Some might word this as “not be able to keep up”. I purposely didn’t want to include the word ‘able’, this isn’t about the question of am I able or not. Of course I am! I am a powerful, limitless human being who can do anything I want if I am WILLING to put in the time, effort, sweat, and tears necessary.

Here’s the second part of this “Oh, s**t” moment. If someone’s doubts slows them down, you doubting someone else slows you down!

I relate this to the concept Christopher always talks about around being the most responsible person in the room. The idea is that if you are practicing personal responsibility there is a very good chance in most instances you are going to be the most responsible person in the room. In order to help those who may be less aware of their personal responsibility you need to step up your game and demonstrate.

This is no different than limiting mindsets like doubt. Don’t slow down to doubt or evaluate your team members, employees, or bosses. Step up your game and demonstrate the qualities you desire.

If you want a team, a co-worker, or even a boss who is dedicated, works hard, and doesn’t complain or doubt each other then be a leader/team member/employee who portrays those qualities.

Taking it a step further- if someone does make the choice to evaluate you and determines from that evaluation that they aren’t quite sure if you are the “right” person for this, remember that speaks so much more to their fears than it does to your capabilities.

I am not sure what I am doing lately but the last week or so I have seemed to attract doubt from a couple different individuals. Some of the conversations were more direct while others were quite confusing but I left each saying to myself –

“Don’t you dare slow down! Don’t give them a reason to be right, 
keep going. They are scared and trying to protect themselves. 
That’s perfectly OK – and I am not going to let their fears 
become my fears!”

I used to rely almost entirely on external validation from other people to know that I was doing “good”. This played directly into losing momentum and power the moment someone doubted me. I gave up my power constantly!

I now rely entirely on ME to validate what I am doing. Does it still feel good when others do? Of course, but those moments don’t control my speed or push. I control it and am now aware that I have the power to demonstrate what it looks like when you don’t slow down to evaluate and doubt someone else.

If you doubt someone in your life I challenge you to stop and utilize that energy to demonstrate what you desire to see from them.

Don’t slow down to doubt me, keep going! I will make my choice in how I will respond!

photo cropped, CC

Jessica Soroky, CSM

Jessica is a Certified Scrum Master with over three years of practice in agile delivery and seven years of team leadership. She is also the youngest participant in The Leadership Gift™ Program and its growing worldwide community of leaders and coaches. After five years of nonprofit development through Nellie’s Catwalk for Kids, Jessica continues her leadership journey in state government, not-for-profit, and private sector leadership studies.