Jessica Soroky continues her series Leadership is a Choice.

I was first introduced to The Leadership Gift™ Program in July of 2012; it would be over a year later in August of 2013 that I would finally join the program. I remember sitting in a beautiful restaurant, tucked away under some tropical trees, in the center of a hotel in Nashville, TN.

I was at a table filled with absolutely wonderful minds. Scotty Bevill sat to my left, Christopher sat across from me, and to my right was an executive that had taken a special interest in me. The rest of the table was brilliant mind after brilliant mind.

As we ate, the conversation turned to the program and inside I was dying to join; I had seen the material presented countless times and had even begun toying with presenting it myself. It was as if they could read my mind, or feel the desire radiating from my body, Scotty turned his attention to me and asked the horrifying question, “What do you want to do?”

I was lost in my own mind, forgetting what the conversation was about and I instantly panicked. “What do I want to do?” right now, crawl inside my turtle shell and hide until I feel confident enough to come back out, but I can’t. Scotty is still looking at me, awaiting my answer.

I couldn’t tell you exactly how the conversation went, but before the meal was over Scotty had pulled out his laptop and I had officially joined the program. I was so excited I couldn’t contain myself. There is a picture somewhere of this moment, holding up the laptop as I proudly displayed my membership.

The time that followed was filled with a roller coaster of emotions, breakthroughs, a desire to quit, clarity, and an ever-deepening understanding of this material. It still amazes me how each day slightly alters what I want to get out of my personal practice. Looking back on that moment I never would have believed it if you told me that less than two years later I would be in such a place of peace.

Back at the table, I desperately wanted to be able to answer his question. And not just to answer, but to feel confident while I answered. I didn’t know it then, but I was afraid to be honest and share what I wanted; what if someone judged me or thought what I wanted was stupid?

Today the best part of answering this question is I don’t really have to think about it.

I create, choose, and attract everything in my reality. Therefore what I want is what I have or what I am already working towards.

If I create, choose, and attract my reality AND if I take 100% responsibility for that truth then what I want is exactly what my reality is. If I didn’t want it then why would I have created, chosen, or attracted it?

Well shit, if that is true then I have no reason to visit blame. Who would I blame – me? What’s the point? That would only drag me into the familiar, but undesirable home of shame.

If I am unhappy with work, that is what I want to be. Work didn’t make me unhappy, work didn’t obligate me to long days, and work didn’t make me burn out.

I created, chose, and attracted that. Therefore I want to feel that way. Why? I don’t know, but until I own it I have no ability to function from power, to function from a place in the power cycle, or to choose differently.

It is easy when you are winning to own the wins, to stand up and proudly proclaim, “Yes, this is what I wanted and I created it! I chose it! I attracted it!” But when it’s something you don’t like, something you complain to coworkers and family about, it is far more difficult to make the same proclamation. “Yep, this is what I wanted and I created it! I chose it! I attracted it!”

Lean in real close, I’m about to let you in on a secret I learned recently- The only way to be able to answer, “What do you want?” all the time is to own that what you want ALL the time is what you have made true in your reality.

My favorite part is the minute I own what I have created, attracted, or chosen, I can simply choose, create, or attract something different. It is the ultimate adaptability.

I have accepted this truth for quite some time, but it wasn’t until recently I realized owning the not-so-good moments didn’t mean I had to go to shame. I didn’t have to beat myself up while I wondered why would I create, choose, or attract this horrible feeling, this abuse.

The why doesn’t matter! What matters is the awareness that only I have the power to change it. Even more important is trusting myself, trusting both the conscious and unconscious me that makes all these choices, creations, and attractions.

Today I challenge you, that when something upsets you, stop and own that you want it. It doesn’t matter why you want it, what matters is “do you want to keep choosing it, creating it, or attracting it?”

The power is yours to have the reality you want.

Jessica Soroky, CSM

Jessica is a Certified Scrum Master with over three years of practice in agile delivery and seven years of team leadership. She is also the youngest participant in The Leadership Gift™ Program and its growing worldwide community of leaders and coaches. After five years of non-profit development through Nellie’s Catwalk for Kids, Jessica continues her leadership journey in state government, not-for-profit, and private sector leadership studies.

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