Jessica Soroky’s Guest Post #37: Today I Am Right Where I Want To Be

I tend to remind myself to stop and appreciate life, but I never have to remind myself to take it for granted.

Yesterday, I sat at lunch with a close friend, enjoying the warmer weather, when I overheard a conversation behind me. A girl, probably in her teens, was complaining to her parents about her boss was giving another girl more hours than her.

She continued to explain how upset she was: “I need the hours way more than she does.”

That took me back a few years when I was that girl – working full-time in high school and college for minimum wage and needing every dollar I could make.

Back then I dreamt of a day I could put on dressy clothes, get in my nice car, and drive to my big corporate America job.

For as long as I can remember I have fantasized about working in a tall building in the middle of a metropolis, but as I got older, it became more and more about financial safety.

I intended to reach a day where my bills where paid, my family’s bills were paid, and stress was lower.

I snapped back to reality, and I could feel the smile stretch across my face. I haven’t met all of my intentions, but instead of listing all of the things I still want, I chose to get present.

I chose to want what I have and have what I want.

Today I am right where I want to be.

A recent blog post by Ian Brockbank ignited a realization, a breakthrough really, that life may not be “perfect,” but it is my life and works as designed.

The feeling in my chest after reading his post wasn’t what I normally feel when I am happy, but then I realized – I felt proud, I felt powerful. I am right where I want to be.

Later that night I began to think about this blog post, reflecting on the prior week. I had spent the weekend failing everything I have learned while moving apartments.

I began to write about how the experience of moving, with stress at a max and anxiety through the roof, I seemed to find comfort in my old default reactions and responses.

My family, who now participates in leadership circles, confronted me with my own lack of practice. It was intended to be a joke but really got me thinking.

I should say, I began evaluating myself and went directly to shame.

As the weekend progressed, I purposefully avoided processing why I had chosen to forgo my leadership practice in a time where it would come in most handy.

I was trying to be perfect and didn’t realize that this was a chance to learn, to grow.

I remembered words both of my mentors have said in the past, “Responsibility is easy when things are good, the challenge is when there is a problem.”

Ian’s words in his post were so impactful that I chose to re-write this whole blog post with new-found clarity and purpose.

Where I am on this journey only matters to me.

There are going to be bumps along the way and at times I don’t respond from responsibility. There are going to be many more wins and milestones. The best part of this entire journey, is just that – it’s a journey, not a destination.

I tripped! How cool is it that I can get back up and simply choose to learn from it.

I am right where I want to be.

Jessica Soroky, CSM

Only 21 years old, Jessica is already a Certified Scrum Master with two years of practice in agile delivery and team leadership. She is also the youngest participant in The Leadership Gift™ Program and its growing worldwide community of leaders and coaches. After five years of non-profit development through Nellie’s Catwalk for Kids, Jessica continues her leadership journey in state government, not-for-profit, and private sector leadership studies.

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Posted in Responsibility on 05/21/2014 08:24 am
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