Jessica Soroky continues her series Leadership is a Choice.

I love falling in love. It’s one of my favorite feelings in the world. A mix of giddy excitement with a fear of what is to come. It is exhilarating. It becomes a balancing act of confidence and arrogance with a dash of doubt.

I fell in love for the first time when I was very little. Not some elementary school crush, I really fell in love. My admiration wasn’t for a celebrity hanging on my wall or a classmate sitting beside me. It was for a machine…a typewriter. This beautiful, heavy, off-white machine spun my stomach into knots with every click of a key.

It wasn’t until many, many years after that first fall that I realized something fundamental. We complicate things, we make them out to be more or less than they are – rarely do we accept and allow something to be exactly what it is and be happy about it. Maybe this is over simplifying, but, in my opinion, everything comes back to love – our ability to love and be loved.

I’ve fallen in love a lot since that first experience. I’ve fallen in love with people both romantically and platonically. I’ve fallen in love with jobs, cities, projects, communities, books, and blogs. The best experience falling in love was when, somewhere along this journey to personal freedom, I took a right turn and before I knew it I was falling in love with myself for the first time.

Each time I allow myself to fall in love with something or someone (or fall deeper for myself), I let go and take the step away from the safe ground I find a drive to do my absolute best with that thing or person.

Think about it. When you are in love with another person you don’t treat them the same way you treat other people. You give them more attention, more focus, and go above and beyond for them with a deeper willingness to work at it with dedication.

It is no different when you allow yourself to fall in love with a topic, your job, a city, a community, or yourself. The more I love what I do, the harder I work. The best part is when I’m in love – it doesn’t even feel like work.

As I watch the world around me I see so much confusion and fear around falling in love that leads to such a deep and dark void. Few truly allow themselves to do what it takes to fall in love with their job or themselves.

When I invest in and coach someone directly, I fall in love. It’s the kind of love that sees the limitless potential of the person. It’s a level of respect and determination to help them, to stand by them while they work extraordinarily hard on themselves to get to the reality they want.

In one such case I convinced myself that I had been screwed over in the deal.  The individual I had been coaching, investing, and allowing myself to fall in love with lied to me. They hid things from me and didn’t perform their basic day-to-day duties we had agreed upon. I felt that it reflected horribly on me and in a moment deep in the Control Cycle I made a statement that goes against all I believe in:

I’ve learned my lesson, I’m done sticking my neck out and fighting for someone to be given an opportunity and have them throw it back in my face.

Sound familiar?

What a sad decision I was making. Not just for the people who would be affected downstream in my career of coaching but how horribly this would affect me and my own personal growth.

I loved and I got hurt, but that doesn’t mean I can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t love again. The most powerful lessons I learn are the ones in which even when blame and anger are more comfortable I choose to love right in that moment and allow where they are on their journey.

Only I can choose to be hurt. I can also choose to accept that they are doing the best they can in that moment with what they know.

The object of your love is not required to love you back, that’s not what love is about. Love is a journey and a tool for your use and your growth.

Are you in love with what you do and whom you do it for? Are you in love with your hobby or the team you manage? Are you in love with yourself?

If you answered no to any of those I want to poke you for a second and ask…without love what motivates and pushes you to do your absolute best for the work, people and for yourself?

More importantly… once you allow yourself to fall, enjoy the fall and don’t fear the landing. If it hurts, get back up and heal your wounds by loving again.

If I weren’t in love with what I get out of writing these blogs… this one wouldn’t exist.

Jessica Soroky, CSM

Jessica is a Certified Scrum Master with over three years of practice in agile delivery and seven years of team leadership. She is also the youngest participant in The Leadership Gift™ Program and its growing worldwide community of leaders and coaches. After five years of nonprofit development through Nellie’s Catwalk for Kids, Jessica continues her leadership journey in state government, not-for-profit, and private sector leadership studies.