My Greatest Mirror – Leadership is a Choice #60

 

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 Jessica Soroky continues her series Leadership is a Choice.

 

It feels like I live at my keyboard and yet I never write anymore. Luckily on this quiet November Sunday I find myself locked on an airplane. There is an amazing peace inside this huge flying metal can. The lights are dim. The windows seem less than useful as the night sky is full of clouds and therefore empty of the far off twinkles.

Refusing to sign onto Wi-Fi, I knocked out some brainstorming the old fashioned way (paper and pen) before settling back and moving my fingers across my keyboard contemplating—do I have something to say?

Before I could answer that question I first needed to talk with myself. Why hadn’t I been writing? Plenty was happening never leaving me short of material—ah the answer is simple. I choose my priority and my choice had been clear lately. Writing isn’t ranked at the top. 

The why doesn’t exactly matter. To be honest I didn’t even take time to ask myself about why blogging had fallen in the ranks. It doesn’t matter. When it climbs the ranks again, I’ll write. 

Oh wow, look at that, I’m writing. This is one of the benefits of my connection with my laptop. What many don’t know (unless you’ve read all my blogs) is the connection I have with these black keys, white background and blinking cursor. 

It is my greatest mirror.

What I mean by that is it (my laptop) is my way of facing me. Letting it all out there and then reading my ramblings instantly raises my awareness of my mental state. 

I find myself here reconnecting with my mirror and having a breakthrough, an “oh s**t” moment rather. 

I must make a correction. Writing, these blogs, and that relentless blinking cursor, USED to be my greatest mirror. It has been replaced by something that doesn’t require a charge via outlet. 

My mind. 

My mind has become my greatest mirror. 

Having this internal mirror has been an intention of mine from the days of my first blog. I wanted a way to keep this material in my forefront as frequently as possible. 

This blog series was one absolutely critical part in doing just that. If it wasn’t the blog it was those I surrounded myself with, each given permission to help hold me accountable to my practice. It’s because of those people and this platform that I am where I am today in my personal responsibility journey. 

The breakthrough is the realization that this material has replaced my programming at a core level. It is in my forefront all the time. 

Warning: this is not an arrogant message of perfection. I fail my responsibility practice daily, hourly and even minute-by-minute sometimes. 

What I am realizing is that I no longer need a blog, a poster, or an accountability partner to hold up the mirror helping me confront where I am mentally. 

Do those tools still help me? Hell yes. But they have become supporting characters in my story instead of the lead. 

My practice has taken over my original operating system and is set to automatically search for continuous improvements. 

I am a flawed human being. I have many things I seek to improve about myself—and yet I sit here fully owning me with zero shame. 

Today I am free and fully aware of who I am, who I was, and who I choose to work towards. My chest tightens as I write these words because I am proud of me. 

I am proud that my awareness feels like it’s on overdrive, and because of personal responsibility I have created, chosen and attracted the limitless reality I want. 

I am flawed, endlessly happy and ever growing. 

Those words don’t come easy to a girl who used to choose shame daily and was convinced it wasn’t within my control to choose anything besides beating myself up. 

Scotty, Christopher and Bill—thank you. Thank you for each being so supportive, so encouraging, so wise and for each pushing me in your own ways. Thank you for seeing something I was once convinced didn’t exist. Thank you for the continuous love, and more than anything, thank you for demonstrating the power of personal responsibility through your own practices. 

I had no idea this blog would go this way when I started typing. Sometimes I just let my fingers talk on behalf of my heart. My story still has so many chapters left but today I’m pausing to just be grateful. 

For all those reading this, struggling to find freedom, power and choice, take my word for it—it works! Don’t ever give up! 

 

Jessica Soroky, CSM

IMG_3285Jessica is a Certified Scrum Master with over three years of practice in agile delivery and seven years of team leadership. She is also the youngest accredited Coach in The Leadership Gift™ Program and its growing worldwide community of leaders and coaches. After five years of nonprofit development through Nellie’s Catwalk for Kids, Jessica continues her leadership journey in state government, not-for-profit, and private sector leadership.

 

Posted in Responsibility on 11/23/2016 09:24 am
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