Ramblings at Peace – Leadership is a Choice #56

ramblings

Jessica Soroky continues her series Leadership is a Choice.

 

Christopher pointed out to me that my blogs have begun to transition from a document about my journey to instructional.

I hadn’t seen it at all but the moment he raised it I couldn’t see anything else. I couldn’t figure out which direction I want my blogs to go in so I do what helps me the most I just started typing.

If I am being honest with myself I think my journey has plateaued. The current peak I sit atop however isn’t a negative plateau. It’s a place of peace.

Writing that sentence, even before I hit the period at the end, I can hear the other half of my brain scream – “Your peace partially comes from being comfortable and when you are comfortable you are not challenging myself.”

Exploring this belief that I have reached a plateau I keep stumbling on the mountains I’m actually climbing every day from my work challenging me to always evolve, to my personal life challenging me in ways I never imagined – let alone anticipated this quickly. With each mountain I become aware of the more my belief is challenged

So am I really at a plateau?

I honestly don’t know.

I know I am more fearful now than ever of being transparent about the details of my life and therefor my journey. I’m a storyteller so I am struggling expressing where my personal responsibility journey is without tying it to the real life instances that are at play.

I’ve had enough job “drama” around my transparency to begin to question if my transparency is worth the negative responses. In my personal life it isn’t just me anymore. There are those I love dearly for whom someone from their past may read my blogs and use it against them. So is my transparency worth their potential pain? – h**l no.

So here I sit rambling about the direction of my public diary, allowing fear to cause a one way conversation in the first place.

I want to be as transparent as possible, to share my new struggles around being a part of a blended family and to continue to chronicle the challenges of practicing personal responsibility in a corporate world that might as well have their mascot be “Bobby below the line”.

What I am willing to be transparent about in this moment is I truly have never been so at peace. The frustrations at work haven’t gone away (actually the opposite) but my willingness to let it affect me has.

The challenges at home haven’t gotten any smaller, if anything they are a completely different species of challenges I never anticipated. The positives though are so intense that choosing to not allow the hardships to affect me is a simple choice.

It’s as if a lifetime sized light switch has been triggered and the core concept of choice has been turned on everywhere in my life.

In the midst of a chaotic release less than a week away at work, with not only fire but explosions left and right and an entire secondary set of expectations it would be extremely easy to be stressed, miserable and exhausted.

But I CHOOSE my reality.

I choose to do everything in my power to kick a** at work, fight the fires and root cause problems, delivering the highest quality possible. At the same time, I’m choosing to also look at the big picture and realize in a year or even a few months this stress isn’t actually going to matter all that much – so why stress now?

I’m much more effective when I approach a problem with a clear peaceful mind.

This has been a powerful light switch – I can’t tell you the last time I came home from work and wanted to collapse. For those that haven’t followed my whole journey, that was a regular feeling. Every night I would feel defeated by the day (no matter how many wins it had) I would be empty of momentum and fulfillment and more than anything I would dread the next day.

Today I come home all smiles, elated to have defeated the day and claiming my wins. I am finally able to be present and to share my life with more than just my TV and my dog.

So, through my rambles I don’t know the direction of my guest blogs in this moment. I think it’s something I’ll have to address each time I sit down to write.

Today I type these final words at peace, free and choosing to be at cause of my reality.

 

 

Jessica Soroky, CSM

IMG_3285Jessica is a Certified Scrum Master with over three years of practice in agile delivery and seven years of team leadership. She is also the youngest participant in The Leadership Gift™ Program and its growing worldwide community of leaders and coaches. After five years of nonprofit development through Nellie’s Catwalk for Kids, Jessica continues her leadership journey in state government, not-for-profit, and private sector leadership studies.

 

Posted in Responsibility on 08/09/2016 01:39 am
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