Jessica Soroky continues her series Leadership is a Choice.

If you want to stop crappy things from happening “to you,” stop allowing crap. Demand more.

If you don’t want below-the-line thoughts and behaviors, stop allowing them. Demand personal responsibility.

Demanding more from yourself starts with belief. You must believe that what you are about to demand is something you deserve and can achieve.

You deserve everything great and wonderful in the world. In addition, you are absolutely capable and able to go get it. There are no qualifiers you have to pass to be able to demand more. You were born deserving them.

However, this way of thinking can take time to get. It takes A LOT of de-programming.

For me a crazy paradigm is revealed around concepts like these. The logical side of my brain understands that, yes, I am limitless and born capable of doing anything I choose. I deserve (not entitled to) it all. It is up to me to fight and work as hard as possible to get it. I have seen it work enough times to be invested to the belief fully…or so I think.

Then the programmed side of my brain jumps in with its view of the world fogged by evaluative lenses. These envy tinted glasses have yet to drop the habit of comparing and therefore evaluating. This pattern leads to determining I either do or don’t have something. I either am or I am not.

With work it may be looking at a peer in my industry comparing their years of experience, certificates, and titles against my own. This ALWAYS leaves me in a state of shame, convinced I lack something.

These questions come from a dark part of me that I am proud to say I have more control over today than ever before.

But those dark below-the-line thoughts are still there—so if you are serious about practicing this material I want to offer a few secrets I have picked up:

1. Personal responsibility and choice start with trust. Trust in yourself that you are are a powerful and capable being who can and will respond to anything that happens. Trust that you can create a reality that is exactly what you want (you already have).
2. You will never be perfect – your programming is so deep-rooted that you will slip and fall below the line.
3. It’s perfectly ok! As your practice deepens your self-awareness increases and you will catch your slips much faster.
4. From that awareness you are now capable of consciously choosing how to proceed. (100% responsibility—your reality is yours)
5. You are still perfect no matter how many slips you have.

When I slip back into shame it takes but a few minutes to realize I am there. The feeling is so familiar it’s almost like a huge neon sign pops up flashing “Welcome back to shame”.

Here’s one more secret.

1. My slips always come from a lack of trust (secret #1). I don’t trust my own abilities, reputation, or capabilities. Fear takes over next and I begin to create false stories in my head. The only way to stop the stories is to trust in myself again.

As soon as my flashing light goes off I remember that only I am allowing shame to be possible—so I choose to stop allowing it and demand more from myself.

I will not beat myself up, compare myself to others, or evaluate my world—I demand more.

If I look at my reality and something isn’t the way I want it to be, I demand it change.

This demand is relentless—to those around me it may even seem neurotic. I can’t expect greatness, happiness, choice and personal freedom unless I demand it.

The last secret is that this kind of demand takes work to back it up.

1. You can demand from the universe all you want but you may find yourself waiting for a while. Instead, you can do what I described in the last post and go fight your a** off to bring it to you.

Stop allowing what you don’t want.

Trust that you deserve what you do want.

Demand it.

Go fight for it.

Jessica Soroky, CSM

Jessica is a Certified Scrum Master with over three years of practice in agile delivery and seven years of team leadership. She is also the youngest participant in The Leadership Gift™ Program and its growing worldwide community of leaders and coaches. After five years of nonprofit development through Nellie’s Catwalk for Kids, Jessica continues her leadership journey in state government, not-for-profit, and private sector leadership studies.